Father and Fathers

“The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.” Psalms 103:13 NLT

I wasn’t going to make a Father’s Day post.  Father’s Day is such a difficult and complicated day. There is a crisis of fatherless children in our nation – or children with fathers who are not readily available to them. I won’t even get into the statistics of Fathers emotionally, physical and otherwise abusing their children- but some of the ones who have a father in their house are not doing much better.

I tried to look up the statistics for you and to my surprise the most recent is using 2017’s data. 1 in 4 children live in a home without their father. Here is the National Fatherhood Initiative’s information:

The last fight I had with my absent father is now a blur – it has been too many years. He was a weekend Dad and after that, when I grew up, He was the Dad who expected me to make all the contact, show up at the socially obligated moments in life, say the socially appropriate things, and exit in a timely manner.  I do recall that our fight started because I was heartbroken, literally minutes after being dumped.  He said my response to the breakup was way too emotional. I suggested we talk later then. He just criticized me in response to my suggestion and this is where it gets blurry.  I was already heart broken – I recall acquiescing to just end the conversation and maybe prevent further hurt – yep, I just agreed with all of his criticism. We haven’t spoken (except once) since.  All of me wanted to say to him: “be it nature or nurture; it’s all your fault.”  But at the time I didn’t want to burn that bridge. Little did I know, it was on fire – already. 

I spoke to him at my grandfather’s funeral.  He expected me to apologize. I had no idea for what but I did say I was sorry – I was willing to try to rebuild the bridge.  He asked me “for what” and that is when he was mad all over again.  He told me to contact him – but refused to give me any contact information. To this day, I do not know where he lives, what his number is or what his email is.

I had heard he bought a house in a county with public records – so I searched the records for the house purchase to get his address and I invited him to at least be part of my son’s life.  My son had asked for him to come to his graduation. Instead my father sent $100. My son deposited it and sent a thank you card to the same address. It came back as “return to sender”. I son then sent the money back and it also came back. (Well, duh! But my boy was living out his frustrations.)  Last I knew my son still has those envelopes.  Last I heard, my father moved again.

I will not even begin to tell you of the nightmare my step father situation was – but it definitely left a residual of me having issues being near or close to men in general.

And unfortunately I passed along the plight of being fatherless to my son – not intentionally, I did not know my son’s father would leave me and eventually leave my son as well. My son’s father was not from a broken home so statistically there was a better chance of him sticking around. The thing about statistics is that there are always outliers. Sadly.  

So when I came back to the Lord – Everyone was saying things like “He’s a good good father” and “He’s our Daddy”.  I heard the verses about us being adopted.   I thought: What is this “good”? How is a daddy supposed to be?  How do I relate to God this way??  I couldn’t even imagine figuring this out.

If I stay in a position of not relating – then I am not as hurt by my earthly father(s) because I can say – that is just what earthly fathers do and remain ignorant to what a ‘father’ actually is. But then I have a huge hole and lack of understanding of God.

If I explore and seek to understand God as my father and what a father is supposed to be – then my heart breaks more and more for all the failings of my earthly father(s) as I learn what they should have done and been to me.

Either way – I continue to hurt. 

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11 NIV

If I do not have good gifts from my biological father – how do I begin to understand the fatherly love of God. How will my son understand it?  God gave me examples of good earthly fathers.  Their goodness to their children is a huge help in understanding the roll of a father.  There are men who stepped up and did things with my son – things my son had hoped his own father would have done (like buying the first jock strap for school sports and learning to drive).  God fills in with replacements when needed.  These are good gifts from a heavenly father who is trying to help the fatherless learn about fatherly love.

The attack on men (which has made all this fatherlessness possible) is an obvious attack from the devil – as we become too broken to understand the fatherly love – we are not able to enjoy the fullness of our relationship with God.

We have spent a lot of time in this blog studying and learning about the love of God and God as our father – and I do not want to repeat those posts. 

I want to encourage the fatherless because I understand. The areas in my walk with the Lord that need the most growth and work is with understanding God’s tenderness and compassion.  I am more likely to understand a jealous God, a vengeful God, and a righteous God than I am to understand Him as actually caring about me.   

“The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.” Psalms 103:13 NLT

When I am broken hearted, God is broken hearted with me and for me.  When I am rejected, God is there saying He will never reject me. When I was abused, God was nursing my deep emotional wounds and helping me not to respond in a negative self destructive way.

If you want to know Father God in a personal (daddy) kind of way and don’t already, then please click the link below for more information.  If you are a fatherless child who asked Jesus to forgive your sins and are trying to have a relationship with Father God, but your earthly father has left you with a gap in your understanding – then there is GOOD NEWS. God can teach you about His Love – and when the pain and hurt caused by your earthly father surfaces during the process – God is right there with a balm for the wound. 

God never intended for any of us to be fatherless, but He can use it for His glory and our blessings.  He never intended for those earthly men to hurt us, but He can heal those wounds.  God never intended anything to separate us from His love – He will bridge the gap between Himself and us.  All we need to do is ask Him to and to reveal Himself to us. His will.

Continue to keep seeking God – keep your eyes on Jesus. He will continue to reveal Himself to you through grace.

~Thank you for reading ~ Grace be with you ~
~Be healthy and blessed ~ Love one another ~
~ Watch and Pray ~ Seek God & keep your eyes on Jesus!

**If you want to have a relationship with Jesus, then please know that I have put the “A, B, C’s of Salvation” in my introduction. Please click here to follow the link.**

Maranatha ~ Come Lord Jesus!