Happy Mother’s Day?

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 NIV

Today I keep seeing: “One day at a time” memes all over the internet and a couple sent directly to me.  I say, “OK God – what is in this for me? Are you trying to point me in a direction?”  I knew that today I wanted to do a bible study in honor of Mother’s Day.  But before I started I looked up what this verse and thought about it for a while.

Then I searched concordances for verses on Mothers and Children and Love…
sigh…

I have spent a long time at this study and I have refused to bring a verse up onto this page, but I will. 

Let’s be real.  Mother’s Day is difficult for many of us (maybe even most of us). At least everyone in my close circle has some sort of hindrance on Mother’s Day.  
Some of us no longer have mothers on earth as they have passed on. Some of us have issues and childhood baggage associated with our Mothers. Some of us are estranged from our mothers. Some of us have mothers who seem to meddle in everything seemingly ruining things in our lives. Some have mothers who are so dreadful, I won’t give an example. And on, and on, and on…
Then – as we age and become adults – some of us have developed “mother” issues with ourselves, like: our inadequacies and guilt, the feeling of our children’s choices reflecting poorly on our parenting, the wish that we did better – Or even issues like: never having wanted children and having them, or having disabled children and resenting them for the burden, or always wanting children and never having them, or still wanting, or having lost a child (or more), or abortion(s), or miscarriage(s), etc.

The concept of “Mother” doesn’t seem as simple, clean, or easy as it was in Bible times, although I am sure, even if not spoken of, these complex emotions happened.

The bible says a Godly mother is…
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25 NIV
My mother was not, at least not in my eyes. And I most certainly was not. I can try to be, but at this point this verse doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies that Mother’s Day is supposed to give.

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:28-29 ESV
I had a therapist tell me I needed to remove my mother completely from my life in order to heal from the emotional damage she has done. I haven’t. I no longer see that therapist or any therapist. And I don’t have an answer on this.
My mother’s husbands do not arise and call her blessed – she is single again at this point.
My mother’s mother was probably not called blessed by her husband – we learned as adults that my mother came from an extra-marital affair my grandmother had. And my mother always tried to be a dutiful daughter – as we watched unrealistic demands be put on her and when she failed grandma came down hard and critical of her. (Mom knew the pain of it, but in her broken state she turned around and did it to us.)
And I do know that my son couldn’t even grasp the concept of arising and calling me blessed, he is submerged in a spiritual battle over his life and selfishness seems to be winning (but if only I raise him better). I haven’t ever been married – I have no husband to call me blessed. I was engaged – but he decided he wanted something else in his life.
Let’s just stay out of Proverbs 31.  It’s a great place to study and strive to be – but it only hurts on Mother’s Day.

“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:27 NIV
And I lost a child, miscarriage. It devastated me. It’s a wound that doesn’t heal quickly – probably because it is too taboo to talk about and grieve through. When I have talked about it – it’s not comforting when you compare miscarriage stories. So many women without a ceremony, a closure, a memorial. So many unceremonious deaths with no sympathetic support. And some women who have had abortions hear the grief of those who have lost a child they wanted, and it stirs all sort of more complex feelings and emotions. I don’t know what it is like to choose to end your child’s life, but I do know what it is like to seriously contemplate it – so there is no judgment here, ladies. Just a whole lot of loss. We have all lived the best we could – and now my mother’s days will always remind me of my princess not being here with me.
And I look at my sister, having always wanted a child and never being able to have one. She must feel that both her body and her God betrayed her. I know so many women who are angry about these things. It’s not fair, and here is mother’s day and they aren’t a mother.

Mother’s Day is a complex set of emotions – satan himself has rose up against women and motherhood.  It is a fabulous way to ensure the sin cycle and damage are passed from generation to generation, further damaging and corrupting each generation more and more. 

Look at us now. A holiday (designed to honor and respect the woman who gave birth to you, raised you, supported and helped you become the person you are today) now leaves us naked, exposed, and vulnerable.  Where is the card, which says: “Mom, can’t we just agree to ignore this whole holiday?”  How difficult it is to give her an atta-boy when she literally failed and intentionally damaged.  I can see that she was damaged and broken, but does that give her justification? I was damaged and broken and I did not do those things to my child – but then again, I failed my child in other ways. As he got older I started saying things like: God gave you a mother so you would have something to talk to your therapist about. Which is the sad truth of the world we live in, in so many ways.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 ESV

However, our Father is called, Jehovah Rapha – the Lord our healer.  He has been a restoring God since the fall of man. Always about restoring us to him and us with each other.  So, I must forgive, find the healing words to speak over myself, then the words to bless.

“Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37b NIV
We know that if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven – and if we are not forgiven, we cannot be made clean and get into heaven.  I wish we were like God, because when He forgives, He forgets. We are not able to forget. Nor should we – we have learned behavioral patterns that are damaging and we can now avoid doing them and avoid people with these same patterns.  But it make us forgiving others into quite a long process some times. You may think you’ve worked it all through then – here is Mother’s Day and that hurtful woman wants accolades. Deep breath, it’s ok. I have forgiven and the Lord helps me keep it forgiven.
The biggest thing I have learned through my relationship with Christ is that if we are focused on Christ, these things heal and fade away – Christ becomes everything and my pain from these unfair situations fades by comparison of importance and then you look over at your pain and notice it is healing. Healing. It’s a process. 
Spending time focused on the wrongs does get you anywhere but down a rabbit hole of unexplainable wrongs. Forgive and move forward in Christ.
Forgive yourself. Forgive your mother, even if she has passed. Forgive your grandmother. Forgive the child that did not live and forgive all the strange things your mind blames. Forgive the unreasonable – forgive the reasonable. Forgive God, if you are hold Him responsible (even if you feel like you are wrong for blaming Him – forgive him anyway).  Forgive and let is all go – start with a cleared slate so you can find the scripture verses to write on it – and move forward in Christ.

Find the healing words to speak over myself?
This is where I stop sharing my personal part. Because you must seek ye first God, then he adds everything else. These verses are important to seek out and pray.  And they may change, for example just after the miscarriage there weren’t any verses I would let comfort me, at the 1 year anniversary I had already shuffled through a few and now it is yet a different verse. Every stage of healing there is another verse. Keep digging into the Word and ask God to show you.

And then how do we bless our mother and other mothers?
“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Proverbs 16:24 ESV
Did you see that? Grace! My best friend! Pray for the Spirit of Grace over your words and let God guide you. (I did not select this verse because of the word ‘grace’, by the way; I selected it for the healing.) When God and the Spirit of Grace move, the words will touch the soul and bring healing to the body – healing the wounds that “mother” has caused in ourselves, our mothers, our children, and our friends, and even healing our relationships with these other mothers.

This is not a quick, sudden turnaround – lots of layers of emotions and lots of generations of damage that all needs to heal.  So it brings me back to my verse of today – one day at a time. Today forgive, even if you have to do it again tomorrow. Today read and pray healing, even if you have to do it again tomorrow. Today bless, even if it is rejected, and even if you have to do it again tomorrow.)

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 NIV

One day at a time while you do your part – the forgiveness and seeking God.  The healing however shall be glorious!!!

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.” Jeremiah 17:14 ESV

“And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.” Luke 8:48 ESV

“Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” Isaiah 58:8 ESV

Thank you Jesus for healing us – and helping us work through living a life of forgiveness.

Maranatha ~ Come Lord Jesus!

~Grace be with you ~
~Thank you for reading ~ Be healthy and blessed ~
~ Pray for our nation ~ Pray Psalm 91 ~